News Alert: I’m old.

The crazy thing is, it happened so fast, so fast that I didn’t see it coming. In fact, I had to be informed of the fact. So here’s what happened. I’m at my 5:45 am exercise class, and chit chatting with another girl. To whom I express “I hate being cold!” And she responded “ahhh…you hate being old! It’s ok. Once class starts you’ll totally do better then me.” So I clarified, “i hate being cold.”

Of course I informed my husband when I got home and he said, “yeah, we’re old!”

And this is when it all sunk in. Well, crap. I honestly think I’ve been too busy with the kids, with trying to prevent cancer from returning, and treating every other random ailment I seem to have, that I didn’t even realize it was happening. I knew I was fighting to live but I forgot about getting old.

I’ve felt old before…chemo, chemo made me feel old. When I’m pregnant, no, that just makes me feel tired. Regardless, It’s funny how once you are enlightened to this reality, you start noticing how young other people are and sadly enough, how old your loved ones are. My mom is 76. And she’s always been this lively, funny, good time mom. And now, I’m aware, she’s 76. She’s old. And I’m not ready for all the things that come with that…

And my Dad. It’s been almost 18 years since his death. That means he has been gone as long as he was here for my lifetime. I was 18 when he died.

Here’s the thing with being old. I’m ok with it. I have dance parties in the kitchen with my family. My daughter thinks I’m a good singer, my 20 month old says “love you” and slobbers on my face, and my 5 yr old tells me “I love you more than you love me!”

Nikki commentary:

I recently read something along the lines of “you live every single day. You only die once.” It’s true. Every day you get a chance to rock it, to own it and to grow old! Enjoy it.

© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.