Thursday, August 18

the time has come to have my port taken out. I’m scheduled to have it taken out this morning. Even though I have been dreading the fasting (mainly upset about no coffee),  the IV and overall hospital procedure process, I’m excited to have it out and  not having to have it flushed every 4-6 weeks.

it’s really removing the constant reminder that I’m a cancer survivor. It’s exciting since so much of my life has changed since that diagnosis. A move, a new baby, lots more changes on the horizon.

I know the scar will remain and be a constant reminder of what use to be there but I’ll take the scar over the port any day of the week.

Friday, August 19

Ever since I started this physically grueling process of having cancer, I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about the “final fuck you”. It’s the you’re home from the hospital from the blood work, surgery, treatment. But you have the band-aid, the medical tape, the bandage covered in some sticky thing that will guarantee to make you cringe when you take it off.

In my mind, I’ve always referred to this as the final f you because  you have survived the prep, the procedure and some of the recovery. And then you have the knowing pain ahead of taking off the last part  of what is left…and to see what will be underneath.

Today, I’m praying it’s my final final. And even though it unveiled a new scar (the surgeon had to make a new incision to take out my port) and a hell of a bruise (my body did a good job making a new home for the port and didn’t want to come out!) I know it’s a good reminder to stay humble in my life, to be thankful for my health and to remember the unconditional love and support that was shown to be over the last year and half.

I will still see my oncologist every 3 months to monitor my blood work and health but this is a win to start to get back into the swing of things.

© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.