March 10, 2016

One year ago today, I had a colonoscopy that changed my life.  Actually, it saved my life. While Scott and I waited for my procedure, we talked about everyday things and he worked on his laptop. When it was over, I didn’t even have my juice yet when the GI dr was standing there and told us they found a tumor. He said that they had taken a biopsy so he didn’t know for certain, but from his experience, it looked very suspicious.

 The next 10 days would include a CT scan, a confirmation that that tumor was colorectal cancer and surgery that would remove the tumor. 

Over the next 6 months, I would have chemotherapy to kill any cancer cells that surgery showed were already spreading. I also learn how lucky I was to be diagnosed. Apparently where the tumor was located came with no symptoms. And I was lucky to have a few symptoms that were not associated with anything, to add up to make my physician recommend a colonoscopy. 

In October of 2015, I had a CT scan and a colonoscopy that came back clear. And one month later, I found out I was pregnant with our tough little guy.

As today has approached, I have felt a lot of mixed emotions. Sadness, joy, homesickness, and an appreciation to “be present” and to live in the moment. 

I don’t want to count down my life, but I found myself saying to my mom, 1 year down and 4 to go. (Its most likely to return in the first 5 years).

I also don’t want to live in the past, but I don’t want to forget the strength I gained or the lessons I learned. 

And I don’t want to get to caught up in the future. As any pregnant woman knows, there is a joy in the weekly countdown to 40 weeks and to the arrival of your new little family member. And, besides blood work with my oncologist every 3 months, I will have colonoscopy and a CT scan this summer after the baby is born. 

March is colon cancer awareness month and even though I haven’t developed a platform to which I want to preach from just yet, what I do want to say is go to the doctor, Ladies,  get your yearly pap smear, listen to your body and make yourself a priority. I have thought about if I were working full time, I probably wouldn’t have made time for my dr appt last Janurary.  Just as a mom, I find myself still not taking time for myself. 

Nikki commentary:

do you ever hear devastating news from a family friend and in that moment, your heart breaks, your stomach turns and you pause to pray for the person and family in need. And then the phone rings, the reminder alerts you to a meeting or your little one reminds you that they want a snack. And you’re back at it.

Life goes on…for everyone who isn’t involved, life goes on. You want it to pause, to stop, to give you a minute to catch up, but it doesn’t. It seems unfair, but in the long run it makes you tougher as you learn to catch up. 
© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.