November 12, 2015

Scott, myself and the kids head to the dr and who would have known, it is located in the outpatient hospital I turned around in the first day we moved here. 

It’s a nice building and everyone seems nice. I get called back for the usual. Height, weight, urine sample. And then we meet the dr in her office. We review my health history and the last couple of months and she eases some of my concerns. But the three key things that came out of this appt were:

1) being recommended to an OB specialist in Pittsburgh, 2) being recommended to my new oncologist and 3) having an ultrasound and seeing that tiny heartbeat.

And as every mother knows, once you see that heartbeat, you are in love. And excited! 

A nurse came up to me while I was getting my blood work completed and she said, “I just met you, but I can tell you are a strong woman.” And she gave me a hug. And as wrong as this sounds, I don’t want to be strong anymore, I want a break. Gosh. I am so selfish.

November 19, my first appt with my oncologist. 

He was surprised to find out I was pregnant (as I again, continue to sob and explain the last months) and basically explained that the chances of a miscarriage are high, along with fetal abnormalities and basically scared the crap out of me (in a medical way) but he would have assumed that a miscarriage would have happened already since I’m 8 1/2 weeks pregnant. He simply said, “this is one tough kid!” And that I should stop blaming myself and be excited because this is a good thing. 

I questioned why it is recommended to wait for 6 months before trying to get pregnant and now the answer is clear. It is to get through the one year mark of being cancer free. This is a huge relief to me to me from a health perspective of the baby.

November 22: a calming peace.

I have spent the last two weeks in a state of sadness and guilt. But I had a calming moment at Mass. I just handed it all to God and decided from that moment on, I was gong to be excited and feel blessed for something that I had mourned the loss of earlier this year. 

Now it’s time to prep to get through the Thanksgiving Holiday without spilling the beans…especially when we talked baby names and room ideas for the 7 -8 hour drive home!
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