In a state of physical being selfishness. I decided I wanted the year of 33 to be all about me.  

Shortly after my 30 birthday, Scott and I found out that I was pregnant with our first child.  I was more than excited to become a mother.  I got married a little later than my friends and I was ready to be part of the mommy group.  It never even crossed my (naive) mind that this pregnancy wouldn’t end with a new baby. I was 9 weeks when I went to the bathroom at work.  And there was blood.  Not spitting blood, but kind of a lot of blood. I ran to my bosses desk and she told me to call my dr.

So, after a call to my dr and to Scott, I was headed home (driven by Michelle and Kirby) and told to stay off my feet. A very long 24 hours of severe cramping and heavy bleeding, an ultrasound the following morning confirmed that there was no baby. 

It was a hard few months, but i finally got pregnant with Jeffrey in March 2012.  Weighing in at 7lbs 12 oz, he was our amazing little boy born in November. 

And to truly believe that God has a plan, when Jeffrey was 8 months old, we found out that I was pregnant with Cecilia.   A very stressful first 17 weeks due to some complications, we ended up with a healthy 7lbs 9oz baby in April 2014.  

So, to fast forward, the ages 30, 31 and 32 were spent pregnant and breastfeeding.  So I was focused on the year of 33 being about my body belonging to me. Hence came my theme “the year of 33 is all about me!”

Cancer has a funny way of making things all about you. Since my diagnosis, I have been surrounded by the most amazing support system.  Words can’t even describe how humble I feel when it comes to the outpouring love from family,friends and strangers! 

I have reconnected with old friends, made new friends and have a connection to people that were part of my “social network” but I never even bothered to really get to know them. 

I had mandatory dates set to spend the day with friends and family who brought me to treatments.  I was forced to put myself first.  I was forced to let go of always being with my children (in a good way) allowing them to develop deeper bonds with the loving people in our lives. 

Most importantly, I had the most powerful reminder that our time here on earth is short and it continues to remind and challenge me to make every day count. 

Even though this past year didn’t look like what I had in mind, it definetly was all about me. 

Now that I’m 34, my birthday wish is for less physical pain and many more dance parties!!  
© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.