september 18, round 12

Let’s do this!  I was excited about the last infusion day.  My  sisters and mom were going to bring me to the appointment and Scott was going to come when I was finished to watch me ring the bell.  (Scroll to the bottom for the video!) It would have been the perfect day if I would not have had to have chemo. 

We got to the appt and I had a goodie bag of chocolates for the staff and other chemo friendly treats for patients. I was excited for it to be the last round. 

We had a great appt with my nurse practitioner.  She has went above and beyond and she is going to write up a survival plan to give me at my next appt.  blood work looks ok, platelets at 94!  And continuing to gain weight. 

Off to the infusion room we head. And I was in store for lots of visitors!  All my brothers and sisters were there, scott, my niece Jessica and my friends Brittany and Jessica. We had Steve, rose and Ron bring up the kids to watch me ring the bell.  It was great.  

I wanted the kids to be there so that someday they can look at photos and understand how trying if a time that was happening in there lives and how we tried to keep the sense of normalcy and protect them from any disrupt into their lives. And how they have kept us going through out the last 6 months and giving me a reason to get out of bed and off the couch on the hard days.
Monday-Tuesday, September 21-22

In an effort to address my nose bleeds, I went to an ENT.  Turns out that chemo has burned the liner of my nose (so to speak) and it isn’t going to heal on its own. So, they did an in office procedure to cauterize my nose.  It did not feel good.  They just take silver nitrate and burn in on the inside of your nose.  It felt like multiple stabbing pains.  I have to hope that the nose bleeds do not come back or we may have to have it cauterized again.

From a health standpoint, I want to die.  My head is pounding and The nausea is back in full force.  I think my body is just tired and beaten down.  With the pain in my nose and the rest of my body feeling like it’s giving up, I’m a mess.  But two more days and I hopefully never have to take another chemo pill again. 

Wednesday, September 23

It’s a new day and I can do this.  Aside from my teeth feeling like they are going to fal out and my nose hurting, I can do this.  It’s officially wedding go time!  Time to pack and get ready to hit the road for home.  

As my friend holly put it, 1 more day between me and the rest of my life!!
Nikki commentary:  it’s hard to describe how hard this has been both physically and emotionally. And it’s even crazier to think that the dot on the map, the date on the calendar is so close.  It’s like I have been chasing time. Running away from the present. To reach the finish line.  I will not dare to ask, “now what?” Because now, I at least feel like I am actively fighting cancer.  I’m sick, I’m tired, I’m weak.  What happens when I feel strong again?  What happens when I’m not physically doing anything from a medical perspective to stop cancer.  
   
    
    
    

© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.