round 10: it seems so silly, only 3 rounds left, but I really don’t know how much more I can take.  The infusions, the pills, the exhaustion. I know, I know. I’ve come so far. But how long can you live in survival mode?

Monday, August 24

My brother, Jeff, was my partner in crime for the day, and his positive outlook on life was a nice, along with some “Jeffy” jokes. 

Platelets were at 84. Liver counts were at the same levels as they were for round 9.  We discussed any concerns with the levels, and since the ultrasound showed my liver was clear of cancer (man I hope the radiologist read it correctly) we are going to stay the path on the same dose of chemo. 

To put my daily pills in perspective, for the first 4 rounds, I took 6 chemo pills a day (3,000 mg) and now I take 3 pills all day (1500 mg). 

Tuesday- Thursday:

I really wonder how I used to take all those pills. Being 6 instead of 3.  I’m having troubles getting these down.  Mainly, the two at night. I try to tell myself they are a multi-vitamin or a superpower pill, but My body still dry heaves as I swallow it. 

I hate applesauce soo much I have been doing this round with just water. Poor kids ask for applesauce and I don’t want to give it to them.  Poor Scott was sucking on a peppermint last week, and I freaked out at the smell.  I suck on peppermints when they do my labs and flush my port (egh, vomit). I thought it was anticipatory nausea (which could be part of it) but it’s when the hepurn hits my mouth. The taste is soo strong.

Which, I forgot to mention. I didn’t vomit on Monday! Only dry heaving! Just flush my port slowly! (So glad we just figured that out.)

Saturday, let’s celebrate the bride!  

I have been mentally preparing for my niece, Lynn’s, bacherlotte party.  Just knowing I’m on chemo (thumbs down) and a long day of celebrating. I had a feeling it might kill me. But I woke up excited for a girls day.  

What I love most about “wedding festivities” is it brings the people you love most together.  And lucky for me, Lynn is only a few years younger than me, so I know her group of friends. And our family is very close, so it’s always a family affair!!

The best thing about the day, was the joy and energy amoung the group. There really was a sense of “happiness” and celebration. And anyone who knows me, knows that I love to dance.  I do not need alcohol or any incentives.  ( Heck, I danced down the cube rows at Panera all the time!) And we had one heck of a boat dock dance party with a great group of women!

And it was so fun to just be one of the girls. Aside from two bloody noses today (WTF) and having to call it a night with chemo pills. 

But I survived and now it’s time to continue the crazy. Next round is when we are making the Jump to a Friday. So September 4 is round 11.  And that also means only 4 days off (bummer) and prayers that my body can handle the short break. But especially after rhe party, I do not want to come home from Lynn’s wedding and take pills. I just want to be done. And maybe have a small breather for what this crazy life has waiting for me…

Sunday:  last day of pills (Til Friday) 

Third bloody nose…my son was very concerned as I stood in the bathroom to make it stop.  I heard him go tell Scott, “Dadda, momma has blood in her nose”. Like, you should be doing something! I need to put neosporan in my nostrils, because the last time my dr checked, he said the chemo is burning the liner of my nose and that could be causing the bloody noses. 

Another side effect is it feels like my teeth are going to fall out.  I have felt this for several months, but finally just getting it jotted down.  It is strange to be aware or to “feel” your teeth.  And the last side effect that I need to ask the dr about, is at night I can’t sleep because my skin is prickly while I’m trying to fall asleep.  It’s not every night, but annoying enough that I can’t sleep. 

© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.