Over the past few weeks, Jeffrey has been wanting to be rocked at bedtime. I love rocking my babies. There is such a short time period (outside of being sick) that children will be still and just lay on your shoulder and let you rock them. There is just a peacefulness, an innocence, a feeling of, I wouldn’t be anywhere else in the world. 

In these moments, I feel like I could sit in their dark, quiet room, and rock them all night.  It reminds me of a weekend around Jeffrey’s first birthday, when he decided he wouldn’t sleep unless he was held. You do the slow the rock to the stop. Ok. They are still asleep.  The slow walk to the crib.  Ok, we are almost there.  And then the gentle lay down, almost in the clear!  Oh the cries!  Ok. I’ll hold you all night!

And Cecilia, Thanksgiving 2014.  One week, from effingham to Chicago, for our Midwest holiday tour.  Wouldn’t sleep unless Scott and I held her.  Oh, and we had Jeffrey sleeping in between us most of the time. I remember Cecilia just screaming! And feeling so helpless of how to make it better.  So, once we did get her calmed down.  We held her. 

Parenting is like that.  Feeling helpless.  Giving eveything you have and hoping it is enough to raise happy, respectable, human beings. And when you feel helpless, you do all you can do to make it better. Easier for them. 

And at the same time, parenting is the most empowering feeling. The unconditional love, being blessed to be Jeffrey and Cecilia’s Momma. To get to spend my days entertaining them, caring for them, and giving them my all.  Dreaming about the future. The adventures, the memories, the laughter.  And the many more, endless, sleepless nights.

© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.