I didn’t feel sick when I was told I had cancer, but I feel sick as hell now. 

Chemo is not my friend. Ever since the infusion last Wednesday, I have been man down and not in a good way. Throwing up, nauseous and exhausted. I just feel like crap. 

My oncologist has to laugh to himself of how often I call to question my dosage. I just can’t handle it. Who knows, may be I just have a weak stomach. 

I do have to thank the inventors of Coca Cola and applesauce. That’s the only way I get my pills down without throwing up.  

Nikki Commentarty: Scott bust his butt at work and got a bonus. So instead of it all going to Cecilia’s NICU bills, I told him he should do something for himself. So he bought Cards tickets to a handful of baseball games.  This was pre cancer, so we thought it would be fun to go together (sans kids). 

Yesterday was the first game and after much debate (sell tickets, don’t go, bring Jeffrey instead) I decided to go! It was a beautiful day and Steve, Rose and Ron said they would watch the kids. 

We were at the game and they play a lot of music and as most of you know, I get into all of it. The singing, clapping along, just the energy of being there. So Scott asked me as I sat still “no dancing?”  I responded, “not today” but I added “I’ll be dancing again, soon.”

Truth be told, I wanted to die and he could tell. We left after the 7th inning stretch and that’s when it hit us that this isn’t going to be easy.  And that’s the first time Scott got angry and I got sad.  Fuckin cancer.

© Nicole Szymonik and This Is the Pause Button, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicole Szymonik and This Is The Pause Button with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.